I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
