i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
