So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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