I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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