Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
