Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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