She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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