so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
