when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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