its not stalking. its research.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
