fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
