She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
