Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
