Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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