If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
