his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
