i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
