Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just threw up on my dentist
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
