she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
