i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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