I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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