I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
