guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
