If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
