I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
