Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
wow bdsm is so cute
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