yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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