and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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