sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
