That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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