I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
