Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
