I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
What changed your mind?
Being sober
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
