sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
please come you make the beer taste better
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
