I want to have your abortion
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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