my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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