I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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