She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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