just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
