My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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