Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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