I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
