How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I wish they made helmets for livers.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
