The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
