Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
