Someone shit on the floor
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
My penis needs a shock collar
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
