I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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