I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
