Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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