"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
